I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize