WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
