he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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