When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
