I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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