i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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