She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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