Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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