I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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