Already got asked if we're dating
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
