If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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