He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
