I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize