If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
