I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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