I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
