Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
