Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
