Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
