Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think people are normalizing furries
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
