I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
