Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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