Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
