there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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