But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
