You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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