i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the day after is always just damage control
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
