He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
