These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
