I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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