Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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