I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize