i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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