the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
