Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
