I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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