we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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