that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
