I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
