We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
