you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
