did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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