im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
