I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
