dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize