I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dear god my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
