my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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