Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
