I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
