ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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