my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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