don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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