So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
