You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
