before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
