The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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