Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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