I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hippo gnu deer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize