Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
