it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
