She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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