Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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