My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
