your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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