she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
