Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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