The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
