Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
