There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We don't watch enough power rangers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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