So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
