i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
