I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
