I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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