So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
