Who wears a wallet chain?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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