Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
