Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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