I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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