I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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