Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
