Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
