So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
