i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
