btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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