i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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