i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
