took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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