Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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