Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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