you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
