I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
