You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
