It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize