Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
