I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
