eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
