didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am one with the molecules
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
