I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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