Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
