dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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