So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
