Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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