You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
