Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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