Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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