There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
